A guy

Ok people for once and for all
1.   I am not a lesbian but I am a pansexual

2.    I am not a booty call or a hoe

3.    I want a relationship not an fling

4.    I want you to realize that I like to do things like color and go to the park and play games.

5. I am very possessive over things

6. I am loyal as long as you are

7. I have mainly guys for friends because I am not a fan of drama

8.  I don't drink alcohol and don't really wish to

9.  I love colorful thing but I hate clowns

10. I love food like love love food yum

See i am not that bad I am easy to make happy. So if you want to try this be for warned I am a little kinky

To all the people that don't like how i dress.... forget you. I will not bend to your style. And for those boys that talk shit all i can say is most likely you cant handle this. I am a little and if you don't know what that means then you need to look it up.

been a few

been a few days seance i have had time to write something. so here goes nothing. My life so far is dealing with a dad that has more than 100 unfinished projects. to the point where the roof has been leaking for 4 years now. Causing the ceiling underneath the drastic leak is now falling in. there is a counter top and a sink in the hallway for about 8 months. there is flooring in the hallway and the living room that have been there for 2 years. there is things he keeps buying stuff from goodwill. i bet you not that he bought more than 50 clock and almost all of them don't work. So with all of this i want to leave i will feel bad leaving him all alone. But i will never learn until i get out on my own on one way or another. So if i can get enough money for a down payment in 6 to 8 months. hopefully i can get the money and stay out of the negative in my bank account.

Hi

All the new people I meet thank you. Its amazing. Thank you for being you. I am not much of a talker but I will get there. It was nice to meet you all at the much party and nice to see you again. Yay meeting new people.

For once

For once I want to be someone's first pick. For once I want to be loved for who I am not what I look like. For once I want to know someone's got my back through thick and thin. For once I want to know that I can be loved. For once I want to know that I can fly even though I fall. I want to know that I am someone. Because these days I feel like I am no one. For once I want to be the pretty girl. Because I already know I am crazy and caring and hopeful. For once in my life I want to be free from judgment from pain from it all. I just want to see what some other seeing me. A good person a kind person someone full of laughter and joy. for once I really wish please someone just to say you know what I'm here and you're safe and you're okay and nothing else will go wrong. for once I just like to hear someone really wanting to be by my side . for once I want to never be tired of going to work and love it. for once I want to wake up and be happy that I'm alive. for once I want be appreciated. for what I do just for once. one time is all I ask for. But I guess that day will have to wait.

You want to play well karma is on the way

So that's how you play. You could have said no. Or at least not interested. I am not a toy and definitely not a piggy Bank well now you Hannah learn because karma just put you on the shit list mother fucker. I can't wait to see you fall on your face. Guess you really don't need this job....... I can't wait and I hope I am there to watch you fall.

Oooo Oooo Oooo

Oooo Oooo Oooo let's piss off the lady that's running our part that way we don't make shipment. Oooo Oooo Oooo let's rush her too that way she will go slower so we definitely don't make shipment. Buch of shit heads I like to see you jump off a bridge. That's all for now I am going to take my time just to piss him of Jack ass.

first kink party

so i just got home from my first kink party and i felt so comfortable. I felt like i belonged. That is something i wish was everywhere. I saw some things i would love to try. I have met new people and made a couple new friends. Little by little i am getting stronger. To be myself in every way makes me happy. It dose not what so ever mean i am a dom because trust me i am not a dom. I rather be the one submitting to all of it. I am a masochistic little and proud of it. I hope to find someone that will be my daddy dom. But until that day i want to experience all the good loving pain. I cant wait to meet more people and make new friends.

Learning about what I am

So learning  about what I am and what I like is totally something new to me. Thanks to a few friends and some brains and a lot of courage. But little by little  I am finding pieces of me. I now know what I am but now it's just going to figure out what I like and if there is someone out there that can fulfill my needs and desires. I think I can do it I just need little kicks off the edge. Lol! My mountain will be a big one to climb up but when I get there it will so be worth it in the meantime I need to learn about my surroundings and the view then in no time I will be at the top.

https://fetlife.com

What are you ?????

http://bdsmtest.org/result.php?id=2669016

Would you rather

I have always felt like a child when I do my blogs but today feels different for some reason. Today I want to give thanks to all the people that make that click onto this page. Thanks to all the people who read these post and think oh well your not alone. Thanks to all the a** holes in the world that choose not to put a dumb shit comment.

And now a would you rather question. Would you rather be traded in a hole with spiders, rats, and flesh eating beatles or be trapped in a pit of animal dung while watching incent people die?   

If you read this leave a comment below.

So thanks to my depression I am a little on the down side. It hit me that I have very low self-esteem. Even though I say I don't care in truth it's all an act and I don't feel like acting anymore. My body is so tired of acting a certain way that I just want to fall down and cry for day on end.

Surrounded by things I wish not. Surrounded by a life I no longer wish to live . Surrounded by the ugly and the bad. Surrounded by people who care not whether I die tomorrow. Surrounded by people who don't wish to understand. Surrounded by darkness with very little light. Surrounded by anger and hate. Surrounded by a pain that never seems to go away. Surrounded by things I don't need. Surrounded by loveless people. Surrounded by thoughts in my head that make me want to scream. I just want to leave and never come back in want to truly be happy I am tired of smiling for others I want to smile for myself once more. I don't want to keep explaining everything about me to people. I am tired of people think that because I have colorful hair and like to wear  colorful thing they automatically think I am gay or a child or even impolite. Well just to let you know I am smart enough to have learned how to do half the job at my work and I am good at them. I am caring and I do have feelings. I am not your doormat. I am not gay and even if I was it is non of your concern. I am who I am and I will not change that to please you. So if you got a problemwith me then get out of my life because I won't even tolerate my family treating me like shit. And if I feel like it I will look at other guys or even girls for that matter. We as humans are beautiful in every way. So if I feel like admiring a woman's body then I will do so that doesn't automatically make me a lesbian. So fuck off and for once in your life love people for who they are.

Testing testing 1,2,3

Testing people lol. Today wasn't so bad I still think most people are stupid and need a little help at kicking the bucket. Maybe put their finger in a socket or eat something deadly that's always interesting. Today though seems like people are trying to test my nerves but, I keep going with a smile on my face. I know karma will sooner or later kick them in the face. I kinda wish I had a friend right here with me through all the problems I have been having these past few months. I keep holding on. Some days though I wonder if it's all worth it. I wonder if there is something bigger than us moving us around like pons if so they are so f***** up. I am not a fan of what most people say GOD but, that is only my opinion. I have my reasons not to believe in that. I mean don't get me wrong I do believe in a higher power but not God. So please  don't bash me for that. I hate test though I was never good at test at school and now there is tests in life come on give me a little break. Enough that I am not constantly hesitating about everything I do. Maybe life is saying that I need a vacation and if that's so I need someone to drive me because I hate driving. Lol. Testing

CHEERS!!!!!!!!!

I want to give a cheer to all the today's. A cheer for all the tomorrow's. A cheer to all that deserves to be acknowledged for all their hard work that they have done. A cheer to the people that love other people without a second thought. A cheer to all the people that are willing to take their time to help and care for others. A cheer to all the parents that give their kids knowledge for good. A cheer to all that deserve it. And one last cheer for me for making it through my depression and coming back stronger then ever. I will survive through it all. Cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How

How can it possibly be that I haven't met you before. I feel like I have known you for a while now but it's been less the 2 months. I trust you in a way I don't trust many people. I don't know what to do. I trust you but I don't trust people. I go on with my life wondering if. I want to have someone like you by my side. I want a family. But again the fear kicks in. I don't want to make another mistake because after the first few the wounds get harder to heal. Time can only do so much and you have people to help you on your way for the rest of it. Well people aren't my strong suit. The ones that are good to me are always there for a season and that seems to be it. I want to belive in good again I want to know that the world is not all bad. I want to love you and I want you to love me for who I am. I am shy and bashful. I love colors and animals. I like all kinds of music and to watch all kinds of movies. I want to do new things and to be brave. I want to have someone there to be able to tell me things will get better or that I am beautiful. I want to believe that I am beautiful. So please one days be that person.

Through

Through all the days I wonder what would happen if. Through all the times I have wanted to cry. Through all the time I wanted to let them know how I really feel. There is one thing that always stays in my head; fear. It always seems to be the one thing holding me back and making me regret things. One day there will be someone who will show me that fear is nothing but a figment of my imagination. That it can't control me. That i am strong and smart. That one day I can and will change the world. That i am what fear should be afraid of. That not everyone is untrustworthy. That there are truly good people out there. That i am not alone in the thoughts that go through my head. That I can make it through all the bad headed my way. That one day I will fly so high that even the birds will admire me. So untill that day I will try to face my fear one small step at a time.

To all

To all that listen thank you. To all that care I appreciate you. To all that hate me well that is nothing to me. To all that make me question my life I thank you; because of you I am wiser. To all that love me;guess what I love you more. To All the people in the world I do care so thank tou for all that you do and all that you have done.

I am glad

I am glad I was your (one night stand) because you were just there and have no real skill. I learn to rely more on myself that way. All you boys are just the same I need someone that will be there though all the days not just one.

Stop thinking

I wish I could just stop thinking. My brain keeps going and it's driving me nuts. I want to be able to smile like I used to. With truth in my smile now I just smile to keep people from talking to me. I don't want to hate people but the more I am around them the more I want to puched almost all of them in the face. I want people I can trust by my side. That my friends is something that is really hard to come by these days. But I believe one day it will happen.

I hate it

I hate it that I am the one that has to clean up after them I may be a woman but I am not your mother or your maid. I was not put on this world to please you.i was not put on this world to do youth job. I did not give birth to you so why in the hell do I have to clean up your crap. I have a job of my own just like you and I clean up my mess why not you. I am tired of nobody listening to what I say when it could really solve a lot of problems.  I do my job and I would like to do it right. I don't belong to you so stop making do your bidding. I do things and I try to do them right of course there are times that I ask for help. But at least I am trying but you stupid a** men and yes I said men need to stop it because you are some real sorry a**. I am not here for you I am here to get paid doing my job so suck it and leave me be because one of these days I will be put in jail because of that big  dumb stupid sorry a** of yours can't do what the f*** it's supposed to be doing  and hit a bad nerve. But it's OK I hope that there is a karma fairy out there somewhere that will f*** your a** up so enjoy while it lasted because one day I just might be that karma fairy

Sorry man

So there is this really  sweet guy at work and the only reason I  don't  talk to him that much is that I cant  understand a word that the mother f***** is saying. But he is a sweet old guy I tell you that much. Apparently  he is from the Philippines and love the USA. Aw poor guy if only I understood  what you are saying.

I keep thinking

I keep thinking that I forgive them so I can move on but for some reason I can't do it. Its like all the things I want to say but never do are just f******** my mind up so bad so I guess I will write it down and see if that helps. Here gos............ I hate you so much. I hate that tou never really listen I hate that you trusted other people more than me I hate that you drink I hate that you really didn't care I hate that you blame me I hate that you got family involved I hate you I hate all of you because of you I feel like I can't be me I feel like part of me is lost I feel like I've failed like it's my fault I feel like I f***** up I hate you so much I hate that you're still living and wasting your breath and ruining my life I wish you would have died a long time ago you never listen you never cared you always acted and that pissed me off and still does it hurts and I hate hating people because I'd rather love everyone with someone I hate being stepped on and taken advantage of I hate you all you're the reason I hate people the reason I never want to go out because of people like you I don't want to be in this world I hate you so much I hate that you love drama more than your own family I hate you you think blood is thicker I think it should be honored that I'm your family or your my family but I don't care blood is blood but who cares because if they suck it up there's no reason to be part of that family because you can find a million other people just to be your family and you can barely know them if they would do anything for you I hate you all and I hope one day you see this and realize that you screwed up because even though I hate you part of me still loves you because your family but that is it because if you do I will be glad so happy because then I will have to look over my shoulder waiting for more hatred to come my way I hate you and I am so happy that I do because of you I care more about people I don't like leaving them on the ground telling lies taking things and if I give something I never asked for it back so I hope one day Karma will kick your ass so hard that you hit rock bottom I hope one day when you spit out comes back it's you right in the face because that's how much I hate you

So

So I have been wondering a few things lately like; how come there is this weird feud over men and women? Or how do we get so mean? Like in the beginning where we always so rude and inconsiderate or did it happen over time? Is there really a heaven or is that just what people want to think because they are scared of the truth?  Is there someone out there for everybody to love or is that never going to happen? Is life really worth living or are we just afraid to die? What were we before we where us? Do we live multiple lifes at different times? How big is the universe? Where do black holes lead too? What do we consider full of life? Why does every opinion very by person? How many people does it take to actually learn a lesson? Do people actually care about each other or is it just an act? Well I guess that is enough questions for today.

Bad things go away good things please come my way

To the little thoughts in my head please stop all you do is keep me wondering.  I wish to be free of all the bad thoughts or at least keep them at bay. I want to be able tobe free of all the negative thing roaming around in the brain that seems to reside in this head of mine. I want to go for a walk and not want to cry. I want to feel like I used to when I was in middle school.  I want to feel like I could do and be anything I want to. No I just feel like I am just a nobody. I want to help the world in some way I just don't know what way........... I think the type of job contributes to some of it because most of my bad thoughts come right after work.  I think I need a new job.  I think I might study film and play and screen writing.  I think if I try hard enough I could make a pretty good movie.

Time and time again

Time and time again I feel so alone even in a crowded room. I feel lost with no sense of direction. I feel hopeless and scared with nothing to look forward to.  The depression I once thought was gone now consume me once more. With tears I didn't know I had start to fall down my face what am I to do now. Where do I go from here. What will make the thoughts and feelings go away. I am not sure who to turn to or what to do for evertime I get close to people they always seem to want to leave. I give so much so I don't look like a bad person and I do so much for people with nothing in return.  No thank you.  No let me help you.  No I am sorry's. No I will do it next time. In the end I seem to get nothing but a reminder of why I hate people. I wish I could be like those people in my dreams and be so bold, and strong.  I wish but it seems my wishes don't want to come true

Wondering

I wonder how long it will take for my life to truly begin. I wonder if my life will be worth it in the end. I wonder if I would make any difference in the world at all. I wonder if I will ever find true love. I wonder if my dad passes away would I be able to live on after. I wonder if I will ever get a better job or am I doomed to being treated like shit the rest of my life . I wonder will I die happy when my time comes or will I die with regrets. I wish I knew some of the answer.

Ok

Ok I get that people are stupid as hell but why put me around all of them its getting on my last nerve and driving me crazy.  I don't lie people definitely when it comes to making a good product at work so why do you always have to be an ass. Also second shift I am not your maid or your bitch so pick up after yourself or I become a snitch.  Yes I said it a snitch fucken deal with it mother fucker.  I am so not your bitch so fuck off

I don't trust you

I could probably get to know you and probably try to be your friend but once you fuxk that up by saying you don't have time for me why would I want to be around you any longer. Also the excuse that you thought I wanted to be in your pants is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my life I mean come on you stupid mother fucker if I wanted in your god dang pants I would have done something to try to get in them. I wish I could smack the shit out of you. No matter what from now on I will never trust you no matter how nice you may seem.

My brain

My brain wants to scream so loud but my heart wants to cry. I want to be wisked away by something out of this world