For once

For once I want to be someone's first pick. For once I want to be loved for who I am not what I look like. For once I want to know someone's got my back through thick and thin. For once I want to know that I can be loved. For once I want to know that I can fly even though I fall. I want to know that I am someone. Because these days I feel like I am no one. For once I want to be the pretty girl. Because I already know I am crazy and caring and hopeful. For once in my life I want to be free from judgment from pain from it all. I just want to see what some other seeing me. A good person a kind person someone full of laughter and joy. for once I really wish please someone just to say you know what I'm here and you're safe and you're okay and nothing else will go wrong. for once I just like to hear someone really wanting to be by my side . for once I want to never be tired of going to work and love it. for once I want to wake up and be happy that I'm alive. for once I want be appreciated. for what I do just for once. one time is all I ask for. But I guess that day will have to wait.

You want to play well karma is on the way

So that's how you play. You could have said no. Or at least not interested. I am not a toy and definitely not a piggy Bank well now you Hannah learn because karma just put you on the shit list mother fucker. I can't wait to see you fall on your face. Guess you really don't need this job....... I can't wait and I hope I am there to watch you fall.

Oooo Oooo Oooo

Oooo Oooo Oooo let's piss off the lady that's running our part that way we don't make shipment. Oooo Oooo Oooo let's rush her too that way she will go slower so we definitely don't make shipment. Buch of shit heads I like to see you jump off a bridge. That's all for now I am going to take my time just to piss him of Jack ass.

first kink party

so i just got home from my first kink party and i felt so comfortable. I felt like i belonged. That is something i wish was everywhere. I saw some things i would love to try. I have met new people and made a couple new friends. Little by little i am getting stronger. To be myself in every way makes me happy. It dose not what so ever mean i am a dom because trust me i am not a dom. I rather be the one submitting to all of it. I am a masochistic little and proud of it. I hope to find someone that will be my daddy dom. But until that day i want to experience all the good loving pain. I cant wait to meet more people and make new friends.

Learning about what I am

So learning  about what I am and what I like is totally something new to me. Thanks to a few friends and some brains and a lot of courage. But little by little  I am finding pieces of me. I now know what I am but now it's just going to figure out what I like and if there is someone out there that can fulfill my needs and desires. I think I can do it I just need little kicks off the edge. Lol! My mountain will be a big one to climb up but when I get there it will so be worth it in the meantime I need to learn about my surroundings and the view then in no time I will be at the top.

https://fetlife.com

What are you ?????

http://bdsmtest.org/result.php?id=2669016

Would you rather

I have always felt like a child when I do my blogs but today feels different for some reason. Today I want to give thanks to all the people that make that click onto this page. Thanks to all the people who read these post and think oh well your not alone. Thanks to all the a** holes in the world that choose not to put a dumb shit comment.

And now a would you rather question. Would you rather be traded in a hole with spiders, rats, and flesh eating beatles or be trapped in a pit of animal dung while watching incent people die?   

If you read this leave a comment below.

So thanks to my depression I am a little on the down side. It hit me that I have very low self-esteem. Even though I say I don't care in truth it's all an act and I don't feel like acting anymore. My body is so tired of acting a certain way that I just want to fall down and cry for day on end.

Surrounded by things I wish not. Surrounded by a life I no longer wish to live . Surrounded by the ugly and the bad. Surrounded by people who care not whether I die tomorrow. Surrounded by people who don't wish to understand. Surrounded by darkness with very little light. Surrounded by anger and hate. Surrounded by a pain that never seems to go away. Surrounded by things I don't need. Surrounded by loveless people. Surrounded by thoughts in my head that make me want to scream. I just want to leave and never come back in want to truly be happy I am tired of smiling for others I want to smile for myself once more. I don't want to keep explaining everything about me to people. I am tired of people think that because I have colorful hair and like to wear  colorful thing they automatically think I am gay or a child or even impolite. Well just to let you know I am smart enough to have learned how to do half the job at my work and I am good at them. I am caring and I do have feelings. I am not your doormat. I am not gay and even if I was it is non of your concern. I am who I am and I will not change that to please you. So if you got a problemwith me then get out of my life because I won't even tolerate my family treating me like shit. And if I feel like it I will look at other guys or even girls for that matter. We as humans are beautiful in every way. So if I feel like admiring a woman's body then I will do so that doesn't automatically make me a lesbian. So fuck off and for once in your life love people for who they are.