Stop thinking

I wish I could just stop thinking. My brain keeps going and it's driving me nuts. I want to be able to smile like I used to. With truth in my smile now I just smile to keep people from talking to me. I don't want to hate people but the more I am around them the more I want to puched almost all of them in the face. I want people I can trust by my side. That my friends is something that is really hard to come by these days. But I believe one day it will happen.

I hate it

I hate it that I am the one that has to clean up after them I may be a woman but I am not your mother or your maid. I was not put on this world to please you.i was not put on this world to do youth job. I did not give birth to you so why in the hell do I have to clean up your crap. I have a job of my own just like you and I clean up my mess why not you. I am tired of nobody listening to what I say when it could really solve a lot of problems.  I do my job and I would like to do it right. I don't belong to you so stop making do your bidding. I do things and I try to do them right of course there are times that I ask for help. But at least I am trying but you stupid a** men and yes I said men need to stop it because you are some real sorry a**. I am not here for you I am here to get paid doing my job so suck it and leave me be because one of these days I will be put in jail because of that big  dumb stupid sorry a** of yours can't do what the f*** it's supposed to be doing  and hit a bad nerve. But it's OK I hope that there is a karma fairy out there somewhere that will f*** your a** up so enjoy while it lasted because one day I just might be that karma fairy

Sorry man

So there is this really  sweet guy at work and the only reason I  don't  talk to him that much is that I cant  understand a word that the mother f***** is saying. But he is a sweet old guy I tell you that much. Apparently  he is from the Philippines and love the USA. Aw poor guy if only I understood  what you are saying.

I keep thinking

I keep thinking that I forgive them so I can move on but for some reason I can't do it. Its like all the things I want to say but never do are just f******** my mind up so bad so I guess I will write it down and see if that helps. Here gos............ I hate you so much. I hate that tou never really listen I hate that you trusted other people more than me I hate that you drink I hate that you really didn't care I hate that you blame me I hate that you got family involved I hate you I hate all of you because of you I feel like I can't be me I feel like part of me is lost I feel like I've failed like it's my fault I feel like I f***** up I hate you so much I hate that you're still living and wasting your breath and ruining my life I wish you would have died a long time ago you never listen you never cared you always acted and that pissed me off and still does it hurts and I hate hating people because I'd rather love everyone with someone I hate being stepped on and taken advantage of I hate you all you're the reason I hate people the reason I never want to go out because of people like you I don't want to be in this world I hate you so much I hate that you love drama more than your own family I hate you you think blood is thicker I think it should be honored that I'm your family or your my family but I don't care blood is blood but who cares because if they suck it up there's no reason to be part of that family because you can find a million other people just to be your family and you can barely know them if they would do anything for you I hate you all and I hope one day you see this and realize that you screwed up because even though I hate you part of me still loves you because your family but that is it because if you do I will be glad so happy because then I will have to look over my shoulder waiting for more hatred to come my way I hate you and I am so happy that I do because of you I care more about people I don't like leaving them on the ground telling lies taking things and if I give something I never asked for it back so I hope one day Karma will kick your ass so hard that you hit rock bottom I hope one day when you spit out comes back it's you right in the face because that's how much I hate you

So

So I have been wondering a few things lately like; how come there is this weird feud over men and women? Or how do we get so mean? Like in the beginning where we always so rude and inconsiderate or did it happen over time? Is there really a heaven or is that just what people want to think because they are scared of the truth?  Is there someone out there for everybody to love or is that never going to happen? Is life really worth living or are we just afraid to die? What were we before we where us? Do we live multiple lifes at different times? How big is the universe? Where do black holes lead too? What do we consider full of life? Why does every opinion very by person? How many people does it take to actually learn a lesson? Do people actually care about each other or is it just an act? Well I guess that is enough questions for today.