I don't know if i can be strong this time. I don't know how long i can hang on. I am not sure how much i can hold on to a smile. I want my dad to be happy but i don't think i can support him they way i want to. I don't know how much longer his brother can take all the thing he has going on. This is one thing i cant fix. i wish i could but this is unfix-able and it scares me because if my dad doesn't have to much to hang on to i don't know if he will make it. I cant even imagon life without my dad. He is all i have he helps me whenever i have a problem or tells me how to fix things. He gives me advice whenever i ask. He is my hero and he doesn't even know it. He means so much to me and i want him to be happy and proud. To tell you the truth he is the only reason i am still alive. Because i would and never want to see him cry or hurt . I know the feeling of loneliness all to well. I never want him to feel that. And if he does i want him to know he can cry on my shoulder and that i will be there for him till the end. So i never tell him what i am truly feeling because i don't want to burden him. But with all the stuff at work and with his brother i don't know what to do anymore. I am not sure how to take it all. I don't think i can be the rock everyone thinks i am. I feel like i am crumbling and everyone is just walking away as it happens. It scares me so much that it makes me want to cry. It makes me want to hide or just jump. It scares me so much that i cant find words to describe it anymore. I am scared and sad and tired. I don't know where to go or who to go to. I feel alone like no matter what i say no one can hear me. Like no one cares or gives a dam. I just want a hug sometimes and someone to tell me its all OK. That it will all work out. That they will be there no matter what happens its OK. I wan to feel safe from not just others but from myself too.